Ancestors

Growing up as an Indonesian, with the background of Chinese upbringing yet embraced with Western culture, finding your own identity might be difficult due to the bilingual culture. You might think that being "bilingual" is a blessing but sometimes it can be a double-edged sword. I grew up with those upbringings and i have seen few things that may affect me in determining who i really am and who i have become, needless to say that i am actually proud of it. I can incorporate every aspects in my culture that can be pretty helpful. However, there may be times such as today where i felt how to sum it in a sentence, i guess you could say something wasn't right, it feels like i was lost in translation. Okay, maybe for some of you higher speaking English native speakers, you might find it vague because it is actually quite vague. Well, i'm gonna summarize why i am feeling such discontent. I attended this event which was...how to say it very Indonesian culture. Im not saying its bad or anything, i mean its good that we are embracing, promoting and showing what our culture really was, i'm not sure if it was the poor lightning, host, talk show or whatever that they present made me literally felt suffocation. I mean seriously i just really felt i didn't belong there, personally i was only there to see my High school friends, which i yearn. It was nice to see them. I think that was the high light of of my night. Well, then not mention, most of the younglings that was at the age curve of my age was so different than me. They indulge the gifts of the hard work from their ancestors just so, freely. It was really weird. They didn't know what it was like to feel grateful about what they have and rather exploit it. That was the moment where i decided that i was different than them. They were wanting goods that they already have and greed possessed them like the universe is taken by sunlight. I was just, it didn't felt right. I hope this was a lesson learned for me, to know what i want and who are the people i want to be for the rest of my life that i can be really proud of, the ones who appreciates and values of their upbringings and not just take advantage of it.