I was, I am, I will

Love Yourself

2011-09-16T04:05:00.000-07:00

Enough Said.

Perfect Sanctuary

2011-09-16T03:58:00.000-07:00

Waialu Valley, Molokai, Hawaii. This is one of the places I have to visit in the near future. Perfect Sanctuary. Don't you think so?

Click here to see my source.

Serene Nature

2011-09-16T03:48:00.000-07:00

I was just intrigued with this photo. It makes me so serene and calm. What do you guys think?

Click here to see my source.

Faith

2011-09-04T17:25:00.000-07:00

Watching this makes you feel like you can so much more to make a better life. If Faith can do it, then we can do it!

Self-Sacrifice. For the good of the kin.

2011-09-04T17:22:00.000-07:00

I like to believe that mankind are a complex being. Read this and you'll understand.

Summer Break

2011-06-30T13:08:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the late update. Since summer started I haven't had the time to write anything most likely cause well its summer and i'm on a break from literally everything. Will be back once I get inspirations again, till then see you guys soon. Have a great summer!

Biologically We Are All The Same

2011-06-06T03:05:00.000-07:00

Think about it. Being born, we are biologically the same thing. We breathe air with our lungs in the exchange of CO2 and 02. We contract muscles as we accumulate rigorous exercises. We see with our retina that is composed of rods and cones that is sent, processed and interpreted in our occipital lobe. Our autonomic nervous system is divided into the parasympathetic and the sympathetic nervous system that allows us to stimulates adrenaline that allows us to survive through our evolutionary time and induce fight or flight response and maintain our level of homeostasis. Theoretically, the only difference that accounts physically is our phenotype characteristics(E.g skin, hair, eyes). But realistically, what we perceive to be simple is the reason for prejudice and racism which probably have and will be one of our hardest social epidemic to cure. Oh wait, i'm not even sure that there is a cure for prejudice and racism. Ironically, inside we really are the same. I saw in geographic channel that there is a database for the genotype of everyone all over the world and we can find out how close is our DNA materials to another individual through a simple test(extracting our blood to compare the alleles). Turns out what we do not expect, we have the possibility of being closely related that someone opposite to our "race". There was a chance that someone who is supposably Asian American but has the exact number of Allele and DNA chromosome as someone who is Nigerian. Turns out, our exterior is just a shell. Internally, we are more similar than we perceive to be. If then, why do such phenomenon as racism or prejudice exist? I will discuss this matter soon in my next entry. Till next time.

Fundamental Attribution Error

2011-05-23T00:34:00.000-07:00

It is said that as humans we have this capability called the "fundamental attribution error". For those of you who are not clear to what it means, basically it means for humans to have the tendency to overestimate the influence of personality and underestimating the influence of situations. I believe this is the cause of the prejudice and misunderstanding of our relations with other people. Don't you find it true? We do this everyday. Take a hypothetical situation of being in a classroom every new semester starts. We judge people's behavior through the way the situation puts them. If "A", being a hypothetical person is friendly, warm and funny we perceive them to have an outgoing personality. If "A" acted cold, quite and unfriendly, then we inferred that person to be not nice. In other words, we tend to attribute a person's behavior to their personal disposition even when we know that the behavior is "situational". My question here is that, does that mean we are not suppose to judge anyone based on the situation? OF course not. There are times when the fundamental attribution error is to our advantage. If there is someone who is carrying a knife in front of you, surely we "judge" them as someone who we do not want to be with or stay close to. But to what extent should we have this capability? I would say according to context. Whether we achieved this state through biological or evolutionary gene from our ancestors, there are times to use it to our advantage and others we should not. In everyday life, we often struggle to explain other's actions. Our past experiences determines our attribution to decide what is best for us. Whether the consequences is good or bad, we move on with our lives. However, you should know that this attribution theory is evident in our lives. Just think about it, how do you get accepted to your chosen universities? Isn't mostly because of your academic standing, what you do for the community and your reputation as a person? Or your job? For me, its just the way our society has become. We can't exactly blame them for what we have become but the point to remember is to be careful to an individual's dispositions or to their situations. Our actions have REAL consequences.

Are we the same as we used to be?

2011-05-02T00:43:00.000-07:00

Everyday, we do the things that we often might have not expect to happen. We meet people whom we later on call as friends, we fulfill our daily needs:groceries, chores, homework, etc, we ran into unexpected accidents that could change our lives. These qualities as time embodies its reflection in our soul change who we are. My question is that at some point of our lives, are we going to reflect whom we used to be? What changes that constitutes who we are today is different than who we used to be? Will it be a regret? Or Relief? I tried looking back who I used to be and honestly, I was a "freak" as society would perceive my soul. I thought of negativity around the people, the world and its existence. Maybe I was just a kid back then, I had not seen the world yet but now, I do have seen the world in a wider perspective. I may not literally seen the world big enough but what I think about the world is better now. I see that people are divided into two categories: The one who are blind and the one who sees through everything, somewhat of clairvoyant quality perhaps. Those who are blind can never understand that there are those who care about them, who is unable to understand what the world is really like, and the power that they might have had to make the world better. Those who refuse to make better and fix our past mistakes. Truly it is pitiful. Humans are the strangest creatures in this world. We are an enigma. We have the potential to do almost anything, given our capability of synapses to join and create thoughts that can construct whatever world we desire but we choose to ignore it and instead use it for the gain of greed and world domination. As I age and reflect who I used to be, I am one of those people who thinks that they are able to "destroy" the world what we lived in, but now....I have seen it better. The world isn't a scary place, its our thoughts and desire whom what we should really fear.

What is feeling good?

2011-04-30T02:48:00.000-07:00

When is it that you feel good about yourself?

The Way I see The World

2011-04-30T02:28:00.000-07:00

What are the expectations that we must fulfill in our lives? To get good grades? To go into a top notch school that everybody, by everybody i mean like society thinks its "upper class"? Its not that Im saying is bad or anything but I feel like if we are obliged to do what everyone says or thinks then what about the things that we really want? If nobody tells you that say being a doctor is by far the most important profession in the world but instead say being a musician or artists makes the greatest salary....Wouldn't the world turns upside down? Wouldn't our perspective about the occupations of the world change completely? Imagine yourself that you just never are burdened by the thoughts of the pressure of your particular community, imagine what you will able to do. Maybe thats the reason why there are no such thing as an original idea anymore. I'm sorry if I'm being selfish but hey that is how I see the world. Isn't that why the reason why you get up in the morning, do your so called job, to earn money, whether you actually like the job or not, you do it because its an obligation to society. Then probably being undecided is something not to be shameful about. The world is a big place and there is nothing shameful to not know what you want. We are not enforced to what society expects us to be but instead find what we are really good at and develop that talent by our own desire. True, maybe I'm being selfish, but isn't this our lives? Shouldn't we have a say in this? Honestly, I blame the way we are now because of the world. If not only the world doesn't function this way, it doesn't function on materialism, capitalism, different political and religious views....then maybe, just maybe the world will be in a better place. A place where us young generations are not constricted by the predicament of our parents and what the community tells us.

Fiction Vs Reality

2011-03-31T10:43:00.000-07:00

Have you ever feel that when you see a movie and somehow you feel like the fictional character living the story of that life, has a very similar life to you? Cause i feel i do. I think all of us do. We try to search what we want and what we want to see in every aspect of life. True, they may have several similarities with us but at some point we do have to realize not all life is a fairy tale. There is in fact a reality to every fairy tale. Do you think all princess wait for their prince to be "saved"? Would Cinderella wait for prince charming to save her from her tyrant evil mom and sisters? Would Snow White still be asleep waiting for her prince charming to kiss her? Eventually, if we remove the equation of prince charming would the princesses eventually save themselves? I think eventually...they have to. Otherwise, its just plain stupidity that you rely your life simply based on fictional characters and their lives. We have to rely on our self at some point. We really do.

Rules of Society

2011-03-27T05:14:00.000-07:00

I wonder what does it mean....to live? Are there social obligations that we must fulfill in order to feel satisfied? Are there quotas to what we must fill in order to qualify to being alive? Do we define our life through the people we met over the years? Is it just the many reasons that we, humans justify to define what it actually means to be alive. Can't we just live the way we want to live without any sense of burden to fill in for others and just live the way we want to? Don't you think the reasons why you choose to pursue education, get a job, get married and have kids is not because you want to actually do it but because the world is telling you so? Don't you think that because of these so called quotas that we do it? Ask yourself, if we are not bound by the rules and obligations, wouldn't you just want to be free and do anything that you want? Don't get me wrong but sometime I blame the world that we move to fast and there is just this burden that we have to carry in order to belong in this world. Who decides that we are being alive or not just because of the status that we accomplished? Just because that we don't live to certain peoples expectations doesn't mean that we are bound by what is the society wants from us. I feel like sometimes we are trapped in society's restrictions, well to some extent, to say the least. Society do restricts us from what is bad and wrong within our human morale but then again it limits to what we are able to achieve and construct. Overall, i really believe that the idea of society is a double-edged sword.

The idea of Gossiping

2011-03-24T22:47:00.000-07:00

Why is it that we hate each other? Is there a reason why we can smile in front of others but then we decide to talk behind their backs? What I want to ask all of you is that do we not only enjoy hatred, deceits and cynicism but takes pleasure from it? Don't you feel like doing so within your community strengthens the bond of your relationship with them? That "gossiping" about others makes you feel closer to the people whom you never thought was just like you before. But when we think of it, is it really a good thing? I must say, to some extent it does. Should I lie saying that doing that degrades our humane values? But then, the feeling of enjoying other's pain and misery somehow brightens our day? I know its mean but don't you think the fact that at some point in your lives you have at least gossip about someone? To me its so funny that we talk about other people behind their backs but you also realize that at another place at the same time, someone must be talking about you too. Its really, ironic really but I think its just the part of us being human. We socialize. No matter what exactly are we talking about, we do enjoy the act of being together with other people, talking about a common hatred or subject that we can both agree on. I think that is the reason why we enjoy gossiping, I'm not saying its a good thing but it's not a bad thing either. You just have to accept that the world hates and loves you at the same time. What we lack in love, we make up in the hate of hating others. It's just primal instinct I suppose, we choose to hate because its easier than love, hate makes us survive into stronger and tougher being, and hate provides us the sanity of the world. Because honestly? A world without hate? I don't want to live in that world. Its gonna be so mundane.

What am I?

2011-03-23T00:08:00.000-07:00

Let me go in, let me see who i am, let me understand who have i become

Who am I?

What is it that I have become, the animosity inside is growing, fearing that it flies away, come.

What is it that I have become, the dove that grows through souls

What is it that I have become, the purple crown that i wore is lavish like jewels

Do you not see? My reflection is all i need from you. All i need from you.

If all you see are my clones, then i will undone myself, not from the world,

but from you

Do I regret my past?

2011-03-22T02:19:00.000-07:00

First love, what can i say? They are the ones we remember throughout our whole life. Looking behind, the moments where you begin to feel like you are transitioning into an adult, where we start noticing the small things that he did, stupid or not we do not really care. Do we see everything in happiness? Not necessarily. Realistically, we see that even though not all of our first love comes true, there are times where we really believe that it could happen. That we believed being with him would eventually lead to being together, that his and my feelings were reciprocal. But.....what have we become? Have we lose the "believing" part? Is it because of adulthood, responsibilities and obligations that we lose our innocence as a child? Or is it just a part of growing up. Happy endings or not, the memory that we did as a child is truly nostalgic. We can't blame our past actions due to our naivety and small perception of the world but what we did.....I never regret every single minute of it.

Who should i become?

2011-03-21T01:07:00.000-07:00

What do we do when we are tired of repeating the same thing over and over again everyday?

Do we have this unresolved feelings that we must somehow confront when it is time?

Do we challenge ourselves everyday with the obstacles that hinders us from reaching what we want?

All of these, are we not tired of doing over and over again? It might helps us built who we have become but to reach that stage, isn't it hard enough to confront what we most truly fear in order to grow into a better person. Sometimes, doing it is not as easy as you think. Do we become the person who we do not want? Or we can become someone who we have become truly who we wanted. The future is uncertain, but all we have to do is do good something every day. Maybe we can become a better person someday, something that we can let others know who we truly are. I just hope that someday you will appreciate who i have become.

Are we in control of our lives?

2011-03-20T05:33:00.000-07:00

Maybe, when you look at this, you try make sense of what I am writing. Some of you might think that i am writing out of sense but maybe some of you can relate to what I am about to write. Everyday, Every hour, every minute and every second, we do our daily day to day activities. But do we truly understand why we are given the opportunity to do so? Haven't you wonder the reason why you are where you are? Doesn't it give you the slightest fear that we are not in control of what we will become? Do we simply just act the way live revolves around us and not us revolving around them. Are our daily activities simply just a preconceived notion of something that has already been determined by a higher authority figure of the universe? Maybe. If so, are we judge by our actions? Do our choices determines who we become? Can we become someone that others are proud of? But the underlying question is that why are given the choice to live? To breathe? To feel? Or is everything just an illusion, something that could be a dream that we can just simply be awake of one day and realize, its not our lives anymore that we are living, instead its someone else's.

IF.....

2011-01-19T16:59:00.000-08:00

If love is absolute, then you do not need to ask if you are in love. Otherwise you're not in love, you're simply reassuring yourself you are, but in reality you are not.

Status

2011-01-06T13:27:00.001-08:00

I find it really weird when random people or your friends would "re-tweet" and "like" your status even though that status has a negative connotation or that you are in pain. It's creepy.

Partners

2011-01-06T13:23:00.000-08:00

I really hate it when people say if asked in a relationship, "Who are you?" or "How do you see your self?" and they would reply that they are defined through their partners. I mean come on, is your self esteem that low that you have to rely the definition of your being through the existence of your partner? You should have a voice too, don't just do whatever he/she tells you to do, otherwise it is NOT a relationship, its more of a contract that you agreed on upon your relationship.

Happy New Years!

2011-01-02T18:11:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE

Hope you are enjoying celebrating with your loved ones wherever you are.

Sending lots of love from the West Coast.

Merry Christmas

2010-12-25T17:10:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas everyone, enjoy the holidays, we all deserve a good long break. Happy celebrating what ever you believe! I am wishing you guys the best of the best from the West Coast.

Hard Candy

2010-12-23T00:17:00.000-08:00

A dark thriller that is just amazing. The character felt so real, Ellen Page did a really good job portraying the face of every child who has been molested, killed, touched, screwed and played with a pedophile. I'd rate this move 3.5/5.

I wish.....

2010-12-22T17:36:00.000-08:00

I wish i could tell you that "I love you", but honestly these days, who knows what it actually meant

Curious Incident

2010-12-20T23:21:00.000-08:00

You will always be the curious incident in my life

Culture

2010-12-20T15:24:00.000-08:00

It's so funny how one culture could adapt, learn and keep their cultures intact in the most ridiculous, obnoxious and insane ways that makes us question whether or not we should stick by that culture. See, i grew up in different cultures, not just through the existence of one solitary confinement of a concrete teaching of our predisposition of our ancestors. You know the thing about cultures? They are a crucial part of our lives, i get that but cultures do have its flaws. By just sticking to one culture, i really do not think that we can learn many things in life, hence the existence of a multi cultural world is a must in our world. I have seen the flaws in my culture that if i will not recognize if i haven't embraced into other cultures. Some things that i cannot even stand that i had to literally disagree with their teaching. It's just so weird that people do cynical things in order to preserve their culture or just because they are scared of exploring other aspects in life that might change their whole belief system, indeed it is a indisputable that we are living that world right now. I just hope things change for the better good.

Happiness?

2010-12-19T03:42:00.000-08:00

Is the state of "happiness" for real? Or is it just a prolongation of pheromones and adrenalines?

I wish for you

2010-12-19T03:34:00.000-08:00

I wish in time there would be someone who would stand up for me no matter what. I wish in time for someone to watch with me every winter together. I wish in time there is someone who would see me no matter who or what i really am. I wish for you.

Nothing is good or bad

2010-12-14T22:51:00.000-08:00

I'd like to be a person who takes things not as someone who is optimistic or pessimistic anymore. Now that when you think of it, the world would be a better place when we say that nothing is good or bad. Think of it, we say things that had happened good or bad depending on our perception of life. We think that the war is bad because it cost us lives of innocent people and it is sustainably bad for the economy as it depletes our cost and lowers the demand. A weed is a weed, as simple as that. If we do not like it, then it's simply nothing much than a weed. There are medical legit advantages of cannabis( main ingredient from weed), where it stimulates appetite for cancer patients and reduced weight loss. Pretty much, it really depends in our perception. Life sucks only when we judge it as bad. Shakespeare said that "nothing is bad or good but thinking it makes it so" and i really agree with it. Without our so called "ability to think" we cannot ever conclude that life sucks or not. Only until we filter and processed whether or not life is good or bad, beautiful or ugly.

Let's take account of disasters. Obviously most of us think that it sucks, bad, tragic...basically anything that you can think of that is a negative thing. But think again, even though generally its a negative thing, but a Holocaust survivor says that "...If we were not an eternal people before, we are an eternal people after the Holocaust, in both its very positive and very negative sense. We have not only survived, we have revived ourselves. In a very real way, we have won. We were victorious. But in a very real way, we have lost". We always have ways to account of something bad and turn it into something positive. Obviously Holocaust is not a good thing, i wouldn't say that it's a good thing but perhaps we can say that it happened. We should see it as a lesson, one that we can learn from. Tragedies occurs everyday, there are losses without a doubt, people die everyday. We cannot prevent or change of what has already happened. It is a loss, it's just a matter of how we take account of it, and deal with it sanely.

Ok Go - Here it Goes Again

2010-12-14T21:58:00.000-08:00

The most original music video ever

Kings Of Convenience - Misread

2010-12-14T21:49:00.000-08:00

A soothing music that releases the tension during you are stressed. All indie music lovers should listen to it.

Lying

2010-12-14T01:39:00.000-08:00

As hurtful as it may sound, people lie. Well, i'm not saying that we lie all the time but yeah we do lie to others and for many reasons. It may be a "white" lie where we lie in order to comfort others or avoid confrontation. It may be a lie where we deceit others in order to show an illusion of the person we want them to think of us, but in reality we are not. We just have to accept that it is in our human nature to lie. The fact that we have a brain shows us that we can think, not only the good things but also the bad things that dehumanizes our character.

Does your life sucks? Think again

2010-12-12T14:12:00.000-08:00

I've always heard people complaining about their lives, like their life is not good enough or that their life seems superficially boring. Well, i think your life is pretty decent when you are given a proper education, shelter and food. Unless if like, you are currently physically, sexually and mentally abuse by your family then i would be wrong. Look at the world in a larger perspective, there are children who wish they have what you had. So please, don't say your life sucks just cause of the things( You don't get enough allowance, you are restricted to do go out late at night, you cannot get certain expensive items) cause trust me there are more people out there who have much more concerns...say getting food so that they can live another day?

Books

2010-12-12T01:30:00.000-08:00

Appreciate books people. Its teaches not only knowledge but the perspective of the world from our ancestors. Its a valuable lesson.

Polaroid

2010-12-12T00:46:00.000-08:00

I love polaroids. Seriously, like i will never get if anyone hates polaroids. I mean, why would you hate something so unique, vintage and a part of history? Unless you've lived in a cave un-ruled by society for 2 millennia, maybe you can say that but if you're not....seriously i think you're insane.

Undesirable

2010-12-11T02:06:00.001-08:00

Is it too late to want the undesirable?

Top 5 things i want to do by i'm 30

2010-12-10T23:58:00.000-08:00

Being raised in a strong traditional Chinese values does have its perks, but there are times when i prefer to follow American values. In my understanding of being successful in life, one is measured by the amount of income and reputation with their community. But who ever said that being successful and happy is defined in that way. Happiness should be where we do not feel any obligations and burden except for our self. I just want to live where i feel no obligations towards others, just living for my self and be happy. Therefore, by the age of 30 I would like to do:

1. Go to a foreign country(That does not have English as their first language) and live there for a year.

2. Spend my income on food, traveling, leisure and just have FUN.

3. NOT marry, i still do not want to settle down just yet.

4. Own my own private practice as either a psychologist/psychiatrist.

5. Speak a fourth language. Possibly Chinese or French.

Story of my life 1

2010-12-10T23:42:00.000-08:00

I wish life can be so much easier for everyone. But hey, if life could be easier then the existence of great philosophers would be meaningless. The question that mankind always seek that is the existence of life, will I be happy in life? Will I succeed in life? I would like to have someone that knows the real me you know? Like someone not romantically who can tell me what i want, what i am good at, my weaknesses and what i like. Someone who could tell me that i could do it, that my life will be set in the future so i do not have to freak out about an undecided future. I know, you might think i am wrong. I mean i know that the future cannot be predicted, what we decide, our every single actions will make a change in our future. That is why it is always undecided. I have seen my friends who are going their separate ways now, they are certainly changing in ways that i am grateful for them. But should i feel...jealous? I do not think that being jealous isn't the the right word but it's like we only have one life(unless you believe in reincarnation) and i really want to make the best out of it. Is it wrong then to feel jealous?

You were fake, i was great, nothing personal

2010-12-10T17:57:00.000-08:00

"You were fake, i was great, nothing personal"

All time low- Break Your Little Heart

Christmas holidays?

2010-12-07T23:31:00.000-08:00

How is your christmas holidays everyone? I want to celebrate this seasonal holiday because i never really celebrate it the way others have celebrate it, any suggestions?

Truth?

2010-12-06T16:11:00.000-08:00

Truth is a justified true belief.

IT GETS BETTER

2010-12-06T16:05:00.000-08:00

High school is just a part of your life, its only 3 years and there is so much more to see after that. Just don't give up so easily, i've been there, i know how it feels, feeling like there is not any tomorrow and you're life is like a living hell but trust IT GETS BETTER. We just have to be strong about who and what we are and not let others affect you just because you are different, unique and special. Those people can just go fuck them selves.

Future

2010-12-04T01:40:00.000-08:00

The future is not set, the future we hold is through our hands and what we can do to change is not controlled by fate, but our choice itself can hold a new future.

Top 10 common faults in humans thought

2010-12-02T21:48:00.000-08:00

http://listverse.com/2010/01/07/top-10-common-faults-in-human-thought/

Check out this link. This talks about the errors in humans mind and i find it to be true. So interesting to read and understand what our minds think and react.

"I"

2010-12-02T00:58:00.000-08:00

I don't want to become what others expect of me. Its not that i am prejudice, racist or sexist, I just want to be defined as "I" not as anything else based solely from my background

Religion

2010-11-30T00:00:00.000-08:00

Don't shut others out just because we believe in different things, we are all the same, inside and out. Why do people have to hate each other just because of different ideologies, its stupid. We live and breathe the same air, we do not have to agree on what kind of beliefs you have, just don't start justifying your actions based on your belief. Now thats stupidity.

Have faith

2010-11-27T09:00:00.000-08:00

Believing something is important, it helps us see and have faith in trust.

Money and education

2010-11-27T04:12:00.000-08:00

Teenagers who can study abroad should have a decency to show some respect for money. Their parents worked hard to be able to send money for their education. The least they can do is not spend in on things that is NOT necessary, i have no respect for these type of people, period.

Forever

2010-11-18T05:46:00.001-08:00

I don't need a sappy, romantic, corny or great words that expresses how you feel about me, all i need is your promise and loyalty. Ever mine, Ever thine, Ever ours

4.10

2010-11-17T01:11:00.000-08:00

I wish for you to come

Those days that i missed our long last look

I linger about the way we would have been and our clock

that we could have created

When i meet you again

I will tell you, everything

I miss you

Alpha Male

2010-11-16T02:07:00.000-08:00

We tend to see the alpha male in a crowd is the type of men who wears the crowns, who often shows the most expensive plumage and the most colorful garments. He certainly stands out the most from the crowd. But, i now realized that the alpha male is not the man who stands out the most in the crowd, he's the quite one, the man who will always be there, for his family and friends. He is the invisible one. I will believe that from now on.

Actions

2010-11-14T23:16:00.000-08:00

I wish there is something that can be done

Something i could have done to repeat the past

The threads are unwinding

No matter how much i tried, the string is not the same any more

I realized, then you cannot changed your actions

Its there with you, forever and ever

All we have to do is live with it

Ancestors

2010-11-14T03:06:00.000-08:00

Growing up as an Indonesian, with the background of Chinese upbringing yet embraced with Western culture, finding your own identity might be difficult due to the bilingual culture. You might think that being "bilingual" is a blessing but sometimes it can be a double-edged sword. I grew up with those upbringings and i have seen few things that may affect me in determining who i really am and who i have become, needless to say that i am actually proud of it. I can incorporate every aspects in my culture that can be pretty helpful. However, there may be times such as today where i felt how to sum it in a sentence, i guess you could say something wasn't right, it feels like i was lost in translation. Okay, maybe for some of you higher speaking English native speakers, you might find it vague because it is actually quite vague. Well, i'm gonna summarize why i am feeling such discontent. I attended this event which was...how to say it very Indonesian culture. Im not saying its bad or anything, i mean its good that we are embracing, promoting and showing what our culture really was, i'm not sure if it was the poor lightning, host, talk show or whatever that they present made me literally felt suffocation. I mean seriously i just really felt i didn't belong there, personally i was only there to see my High school friends, which i yearn. It was nice to see them. I think that was the high light of of my night. Well, then not mention, most of the younglings that was at the age curve of my age was so different than me. They indulge the gifts of the hard work from their ancestors just so, freely. It was really weird. They didn't know what it was like to feel grateful about what they have and rather exploit it. That was the moment where i decided that i was different than them. They were wanting goods that they already have and greed possessed them like the universe is taken by sunlight. I was just, it didn't felt right. I hope this was a lesson learned for me, to know what i want and who are the people i want to be for the rest of my life that i can be really proud of, the ones who appreciates and values of their upbringings and not just take advantage of it.

Evolution

2010-11-14T02:31:00.001-08:00

People define you through your social interactions, clothing attires and knowledge skills. If we can be defined for who we are instead of what we are, surely man kind can evolve.

Beef Bourguignon

2010-11-13T03:40:00.000-08:00

Hey there, i successfully made Beef Bourguignon as my dinner. It tasted really good, i am satisfied. Julia Child is my personal god when it comes to cooking. Will take a better picture next time.

Growing up

2010-11-10T23:56:00.000-08:00

Im having one of those days where you really miss your friends, you're real friends. The ones where you know that they just would stand up for you, no matter what happens. Its really hard that since high school is over, we go on our separate ways, pursuing our "dreams", seeing our selves grow up, i know that we will change, indefinitely. But its nice to see each other again, to see what person we have become. I cannot wait for that day to happen again.

You

2010-11-08T00:37:00.000-08:00

The world as we know it is at to an end when you came in my life. You changed everything about me, that is all i have to say about you.

Our irrational is our rational thoughts

2010-11-07T00:15:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, we choose not to let go of things, its irrational, but sometime the irrational is our understanding of being rational

Life 101

2010-11-06T12:42:00.000-07:00

I should really put my self into the effort of actually writing entires in my blog. Its just that lately with college and everything, haven't had much of the time to express what i feel here. There is so many things that has been happening that i wanted to write here but i was unable to due to the work that i have been cramped up to. So anyways, first things first ever since a child i have this crazy thought because of reading so many comic books that i believe that in this world i was the main character. That means, that the world revolves around my significant being and everything that i decide will have a permanent effect to the world of what i do. But then, i thought what would happen after i'm gone from this world? That REALLY freaked me out, does that mean the story is over or the world keeps moving on? Is the world going to end as i know it? Yes i know, as a i child i was pretty different that a normal, average kid but hey different is good. Anyways that was just my random thought this morning when i was reading a comic book...how ironic right?

Confusion

2010-11-05T15:14:00.000-07:00

Confusion is the luxury only the young can afford.

Pray for Indonesia

2010-10-26T17:15:00.000-07:00

I just heard the news of my country, Indonesia, having another earthquake. The earthquake had a magnitude 7.5, it was soon followed with a signal warning of a potential tsunami which seriously scared me. The earthquake occurred in Western Sumatra and happened in 25th October 2010. I'm scared the incident that occurred in December 2004 will happen again, the earthquake six years ago damaged national wide, emotionally and physically to everyone. The earthquake six years ago was the biggest tsunami ever recorded. Its times like these even though i am not a strong faith believer of the higher authority, we should all pray for Indonesia. Its the least that we can all do...

Life Goes On

2010-10-24T20:44:00.000-07:00

So i was looking at people's activities in Facebook, okay i may sound a little like a stalker but trust me i'm not. Its just that i like seeing people's activities, what they are up to at some point of their lives and its in the news feed okay? Don't blame me. Anyways back to the main point, i guess the kids at my age are finding at this point the feeling of finishing high schools and starting their college/universities. I mean, don't get me wrong i'm happy for each and every one of them but i can't help feeling this sense of...not hatred or jealousy but something is missing in my heart or something. I don't hate them because why should i hate them for accomplishing things at some point of their lives right now, socializing and discovering the world as they know it. Or be jealous of them cause that would really make me rather pathetic don't you think? Well i guess what i'm mostly feeling right now is that starting from the earliest memory as a child, i never had something "normal". I've always things different than others, i don't grow up with the normal things kids should have..and i do mean literally things like being able to play toys, sleepovers and friends like any normal child would have. Growing up, i don't always feel to belong with others, but i deal with it, i've had differences but i'm used to it now. But, i wish that at certain times i get treated the same as others. I guess thats the main reason why i do feel this empty heart, a small hole i guess. But then again, thats life right?

Chance

2010-10-24T20:31:00.000-07:00

If i'm given a chance to choose one point of my life and re-live it for a day, i know exactly which one, its the day of my first time going to elementary school. Why? Because i know that day is the day when everything changed for me, everything was not the same since then, i lost my childhood and was conformed to society. I want to live free. I like to not know what the future holds account for me.

Life 101

2010-10-18T06:35:00.001-07:00

I'm scared that within 10 years i will be a different person, ten years from now will i still love the people i love now?

Psychology

2010-10-17T01:59:00.000-07:00

Psychology is soft science, but maybe its good to study it because people are soft, we can learn a lot from it.

Letters to Juliet

2010-10-15T02:27:00.000-07:00

"What" and "If" are two words that are simply as non-threatening as they can be, but join them together and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life but what if, what if, what if i don't know how your story ended but if your story was true love then it is never too late. If it was true then why cant it be true now...All you need is the courage to follow your heart. I may never know what your true love was like, love to leave one's for, love to cross the ocean but i ever do feel it, then i would have the courage to seize it. If you haven't feel it, then i hope you feel it one day.

Entry 25

2010-10-11T19:09:00.000-07:00

Even though there is that statement or prejudice saying that Asians are close with their relatives and all that, i think that statement does not really applies to me. I mean i guess i am very close to my siblings but i never really feel that bond with my family. I love them, its just that i do not feel i know them at all. They never really tell me anything, they don't value public affections and i cannot remember the last time they actually said "I love you" to me. Ive seen many of my friends who seem to have that bond with their families, sometimes i really am envious of them, they are able to not live a lie. Well, i'm just saying that it would be nice if sometimes my family can really see me the way i am, not the way they want me to be.

In between dimension, our world

2010-10-08T01:37:00.000-07:00

I watched us. It was like an old movie roll that plays again and again. I just wish time had stopped for us and let us trap in between dimension, as if we have our own world.

High School Memories

2010-10-07T01:15:00.000-07:00

I doodled a heart and our initials next to it inside my locker. Do you remember? Our long last look that never ends, you somehow bewitched me into falling for you. Those days, where everything seems to be just perfect.

Long last look

2010-10-06T00:08:00.000-07:00

I hope that you never change

I hope that you will remain unchanged

I hope that you will remember our laughs

I was the writer and you are the actor

We always drink, laugh, and laugh again

Our little secret, how did we get there? Id never know

You come along like the rush of wind

To raise and give me strength, the wind of change

You raised the stakes, to mend my mistakes

I can't pretend i never noticed you, all i know

you were the one

Hang around and i'll try to make last this long last look

Are there people that are born to be evil?

2010-10-05T12:15:00.000-07:00

I've seen the world, and there is no such thing as people that are born to be evil. There are only good unfortunate people who becomes evil due to the external and internal forces that caused them to be who they are.

Indecisive

2010-10-02T23:41:00.000-07:00

Your lips has a scent of toxic and tastes like poison

Your kiss has a way of melting my heart and mind

Your heart is so beautiful that it makes me want to faint

Yet why would you kiss me who cannot do such a thing?

I want to fly like a black swallowtail butterfly

I want to run free and not feel any more burden, even if its lame for you but i want that kind of life

Even if it is 99% possible, I want it, even just for a moment

Indecisive lies

Indecisive dreams

Which was should i call the future?

Tyler Clementi

2010-10-01T11:08:00.000-07:00

Yesterday i was checking my facebook, and i found this link to the Ellen Degeneres Show where she was talking about a series of teens suicide due to their sexual orientation. Here is the link if you want to see it your self: http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=592846987806&ref=mf

I mean, when i was this video, i was outraged by the fact that people still do this and not expecting the consequences they had on the person who is bullied. Here is the link if you want to see the full story of the suicide of Tyler Clementi caused by a stupid prank of his roommates. http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/sep/30/tyler-clementi-gay-student-suicide

I don't like the fact that just because you are different, someone who is by far not according to what the conventional society declares what you're supposed to be, doesn't give you the right to change who they are to conform to being "normal". For all i know, we are living in the 21st century, where time and cultural differences has evolved to the point where it is not that linear anymore, whether not just through sexual orientation but race, culture, age, ethnicity, religion and gender. I just hope that his death is not wasted for nothing but let it be an act of awareness that "bullying" is a real crime where it may ruin younger generation's future because of being emotionally or physically abused. Let people know that this is a real issue and let us not repeat the same mistake and fix it. Through his death, i pray for his family to stay strong and if others who feels the same way as being different that have read this blog, i just want to let you know that you are not alone. This entry is dedicated to Tyler Clementi.

Entry 24

2010-09-29T14:42:00.000-07:00

I hate the feeling of feeling crap about your self when you are alone or reflecting about your past actions, thinking that you can do much better. Don't you? Those little things that you wish it could have been better that makes everyone happy. Here i am, just not in the mood to talk to anyone, just talking to my blog, telling you that i feel my life has not been achieved like it is supposed to be. I really need to be focused in what i want to be in the future, but i just want to have fun and not care anymore. Is it possible to be both? To feel good about your life and yet you succeed in it?

I'm lost

2010-09-26T03:07:00.000-07:00

I'm lost in translation. Can anyone tell me who i am?

Dexter Morgan

2010-09-25T00:06:00.000-07:00

I wish my life can be as enigmatic as Dexter Morgan

I loved you like nobody loved me

2010-09-23T01:09:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to convince my self that there is nothing between. But, somehow it doesn't feel right. Why does it not feel right? Its not always so easy to tell one thing and to actually do it the things you said. I loved you, it was a great time between the past and present, i just know that there is no future for us. The times with you were something that happens only once in a life time, for that thank you and i'll always remember you.

I am able to write this because of you

2010-09-21T19:29:00.000-07:00

I am able to write this because of you. Even though there are hundreds or thousands of love poems out there and this may be one of them, but only you and only you can understood the meaning written behind it. Others may read and understand what it means but only you can see through this writing like nobody can. You were really my euphoria, my addiction and my drug.

What i need isn't happy endings

2010-09-20T11:35:00.000-07:00

I thought about saying this to you many times, words seems meaningless when i'm with you. You make me feel indifferent as i used to feel like a freak. I tried to give in, tell my self that everything will be all right, but maybe happy endings isn't what i need, its to accept who i really am first before i can let anyone accept the whole me.

Loved

2010-09-19T21:19:00.000-07:00

When you told me that you loved me, i was happy, i was scared, i was hopeful, i was relieved, i was loved...There was just so many things i wanted to say to you, but instead i said nothing. I wanted to shout aloud, really, i loved you.

Why do we crave for power?

2010-09-18T19:39:00.000-07:00

I dont like the fact that society are able to affect us in such ways that it can change who you are. The fact that society alone can make us do things we have never thought we can do just scares me. By society i mean the environment that we live in, the people, the hierarchal order of human nature, social order and the need for fame. Why is it that we crave for power? I pity those who do not see them self for who they are and instead tries to be someone they are not just to fit into society. I admire those who can find their true nature. I would like to meet someone like that in my life, someone that i think worth to be with for quite some time. Don't you think so?

Entry 23

2010-09-18T11:45:00.000-07:00

So here i am wondering what to do today and i thought it would be nice to write another entry from my blog, fresh memories and to start off my day, i thought it was rather a nice touch. The other day, i thought about the years that i've been living and there was just one question that arouses me, "am i satisfied with it?" . The answer is yes, i am satisfied with it, maybe through another perspective, some would say my life is not as interesting as others or that i don't enjoy it as much as others, but then again, its my life. As long as i feel good about it, then its all good. One way or other, i think we are all "losers" at a certain point of our lives, we feel that its not good enough that we want something better everyday. Thats the reason why people choose to say "im gonna do something different everyday for the rest of my life". To all readers out there, i know you must have been bored reading this blog, im just here to say that im sure each one of you has your own unique life, never think that it sucks cause think of those that are globally (in terms of poverty, unemployment, abuse) cause i'm pretty sure the fact that you can read this makes your life not so bad after all. Till next time!

The words i need from your mouth

2010-09-16T00:50:00.000-07:00

3 words, 8 letters, one meaning, say it and i'm yours

My perception of mathematics

2010-09-14T12:14:00.001-07:00

My only understanding of a universal truth is through the language of numbers

Entry 22

2010-09-12T22:00:00.000-07:00

Wow its been such a long time since i have't really written anything as an "entry", so i decided to write one as some sort as an outpost to what i am feeling at this moment. Please, bear with me as i indulge my thoughts in this blog. I should realize by now that i will never be the people who enjoys life, those ones who spends every day of their life meeting new people, social networking and just travel you know?All the bullshit saying "live life to the fullest"..Well i say fuck it as long as we are satisfied with our choices, then all is good. Not that i would not want to do those activities, cause i do, but i just need to remind my self that i can never be those popular people. Well as a matter of fact i shouldn't really care because its just not me, whenever i did do those things, i only enjoy with when i have a special someone or a close bunch of people that i really trust. Other than that, meeting new people everyday, im just not that enthusiastic to actually do those activities. At some point of our lives, we will feel wanting to belong, but trust me and i say this from experience, that if it does not feel right at the first place, maybe us by that i mean the minorities are meant to do other things, i ain't gonna say you are going to do GREAT things, but something that satisfies to our needs. Trying to fit in? At the long run, its just not going to benefit you. At least from my experience, it didn't so much and now even i do feel like wanting to belong once in a while, i just know that i got to stick to what i believe in and that is all that matters. Hope you readers out there understood the meaning of this entry, till next time!

Quality>Quantity

2010-09-11T19:11:00.000-07:00

Quality>Quantity

Carousel

2010-09-07T19:06:00.001-07:00

My favorite childhood ride...Whats yours?

My understanding of "truth"

2010-09-04T14:02:00.000-07:00

Define the "truth" will you?....Honestly there are no "truths", its just a matter of perceptions in how we conceive reality in terms of facts and evidence.

Happy friday!

2010-09-03T00:48:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday everyone! Take a break from work and enjoy our 3 day weekend, you guys deserve it!

Reflection

2010-09-01T23:38:00.000-07:00

Its almost the end of summer guys, what are you feeling right now? Regret because there are things you wish you could have done over the summer holidays? Relieve because everything you want seem to be in order and everything is just perfect? I feel both, honestly, i can't really say that ive accomplished one thing perfectly. Sometimes i wish i could go back to the beginning of summer just so that i can fix my mistakes but on the other side i am relieved where i am now. This summer, has been good to me. I hope fall will satisfy me better.

Love is Something

2010-09-01T11:42:00.000-07:00

I didn't see it coming,
I've been so used to running,
Love is something that,
I've never known before.

Forgive me if I'm crying,
I'm tired of denying,
Love is something that,
I've never known before.

I love you

2010-08-31T01:01:00.001-07:00

Harry Potter Vs Twilight

2010-08-30T05:56:00.001-07:00

This sums up my personal opinion about Harry Potter Vs Twilight

Don't you agree?

How to solve Problem Solving

2010-08-30T05:31:00.000-07:00

Something that i found today in the web which i find quite fucking true.

Source: www.pics.livejournal.com/otterdance/pic/000gf9t6/

Hardest thing in life

2010-08-29T00:41:00.000-07:00

What can be harder in life than taking off your mask, revealing your true nature to the world?

I wish life can be like this

2010-08-28T00:15:00.000-07:00

I don't want to think, i just want to jump to an unknown direction.

Black and White

2010-08-27T13:15:00.000-07:00

Black and white, the perfect combination of colors. Don't you agree?

Bisex

2010-08-27T13:04:00.000-07:00

Ladyboy decided to be bisexual

Kissing men and women are basically the same thing. They are both lips right? It doesn't matter really, as long as you feel pleasure. Anything from the pants up is a fair game.

Mistakes in life is what makes you "alive"

2010-08-23T16:11:00.000-07:00

a choice by bleu3t

At some point of your life, there is a time where you don't think, you just do it. Whether it is a bad choice, and there are consequences, you can stand up proudly and say "I am living a life".