Pray for Indonesia

I just heard the news of my country, Indonesia, having another earthquake. The earthquake had a magnitude 7.5, it was soon followed with a signal warning of a potential tsunami which seriously scared me. The earthquake occurred in Western Sumatra and happened in 25th October 2010. I'm scared the incident that occurred in December 2004 will happen again, the earthquake six years ago damaged national wide, emotionally and physically to everyone. The earthquake six years ago was the biggest tsunami ever recorded. Its times like these even though i am not a strong faith believer of the higher authority, we should all pray for Indonesia. Its the least that we can all do...

Life Goes On

So i was looking at people's activities in Facebook, okay i may sound a little like a stalker but trust me i'm not. Its just that i like seeing people's activities, what they are up to at some point of their lives and its in the news feed okay? Don't blame me. Anyways back to the main point, i guess the kids at my age are finding at this point the feeling of finishing high schools and starting their college/universities. I mean, don't get me wrong i'm happy for each and every one of them but i can't help feeling this sense of...not hatred or jealousy but something is missing in my heart or something. I don't hate them because why should i hate them for accomplishing things at some point of their lives right now, socializing and discovering the world as they know it. Or be jealous of them cause that would really make me rather pathetic don't you think? Well i guess what i'm mostly feeling right now is that starting from the earliest memory as a child, i never had something "normal". I've always things different than others, i don't grow up with the normal things kids should have..and i do mean literally things like being able to play toys, sleepovers and friends like any normal child would have. Growing up, i don't always feel to belong with others, but i deal with it, i've had differences but i'm used to it now. But, i wish that at certain times i get treated the same as others. I guess thats the main reason why i do feel this empty heart, a small hole i guess. But then again, thats life right? 

Chance

If i'm given a chance to choose one point of my life and re-live it for a day, i know exactly which one, its the day of my first time going to elementary school. Why? Because i know that day is the day when everything changed for me, everything was not the same since then, i lost my childhood and was conformed to society. I want to live free. I like to not know what the future holds account for me. 

Life 101

I'm scared that within 10 years i will be a different person, ten years from now will i still love the people i love now?

Psychology

Psychology is soft science, but maybe its good to study it because people are soft, we can learn a lot from it.

Letters to Juliet

"What" and "If" are two words that are simply as non-threatening as they can be, but join them together and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life but what if, what if, what if i don't know how your story ended but if your story was true love then it is never too late. If it was true then why cant it be true now...All you need is the courage to follow your heart. I may never know what your true love was like, love to leave one's for, love to cross the ocean but i ever do feel it, then i would have the courage to seize it.  If you haven't feel it, then i hope you feel it one day.

Entry 25

Even though there is that statement or prejudice saying that Asians are close with their relatives and all that, i think that statement does not really applies to me. I mean i guess i am very close to my siblings but i never really feel that bond with my family. I love them, its just that i do not feel i know them at all. They never really tell me anything, they don't value public affections and i cannot remember the last time they actually said "I love you" to me. Ive seen many of my friends who seem to have that bond with their families, sometimes i really am envious of them, they are able to not live a lie. Well, i'm just saying that it would be nice if sometimes my family can really see me the way i am, not the way they want me to be. 

In between dimension, our world

I watched us. It was like an old movie roll that plays again and again. I just wish time had stopped for us and let us trap in between dimension, as if we have our own world. 

High School Memories

I doodled a heart and our initials next to it inside my locker. Do you remember? Our long last look that never ends, you somehow bewitched me into falling for you. Those days, where everything seems to be just perfect. 

Long last look

I hope that you never change

I hope that you will remain unchanged 

I hope that you will remember our laughs

I was the writer and you are the actor

We always drink, laugh, and laugh again

Our little secret, how did we get there? Id never know

You come along like the rush of wind

To raise and give me strength, the wind of change

You raised the stakes, to mend my mistakes

I can't pretend i never noticed you, all i know

you were the one

Hang around and i'll try to make last this long last look

Are there people that are born to be evil?

I've seen the world, and there is no such thing as people that are born to be evil. There are only good unfortunate people who becomes evil due to the external and internal forces that caused them to be who they are. 

Indecisive

Your lips has a scent of toxic and tastes like poison

Your kiss has a way of melting my heart and mind

Your heart is so beautiful that it makes me want to faint

Yet why would you kiss me who cannot do such a thing?

I want to fly like a black swallowtail butterfly

I want to run free and not feel any more burden, even if its lame for you but i want that kind of life

Even if it is 99% possible, I want it, even just for a moment

Indecisive lies

Indecisive dreams

Which was should i call the future?

Tyler Clementi

Yesterday i was checking my facebook, and i found this link to the Ellen Degeneres Show where she was talking about a series of teens suicide due to their sexual orientation. Here is the link if you want to see it your self: http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=592846987806&ref=mf 

I mean, when i was this video, i was outraged by the fact that people still do this and not expecting the consequences they had on the person who is bullied. Here is the link if you want to see the full story of the suicide of Tyler Clementi caused by a stupid prank of his roommates. http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/sep/30/tyler-clementi-gay-student-suicide

I don't like the fact that just because you are different, someone who is by far not according to what the conventional society declares what you're supposed to be, doesn't give you the right to change who they are to conform to being "normal". For all i know, we are living in the 21st century, where time and cultural differences has evolved to the point where it is not that linear anymore, whether not just through sexual orientation but race, culture, age, ethnicity, religion and gender. I just hope that his death is not wasted for nothing but let it be an act of awareness that "bullying" is a real crime where it may ruin younger generation's future because of being emotionally or physically abused. Let people know that this is a real issue and let us not repeat the same mistake and fix it. Through his death, i pray for his family to stay strong and if others who feels the same way as being different that have read this blog, i just want to let you know that you are not alone. This entry is dedicated to Tyler Clementi.