Poem 4

Silence

It began with a silence

Silence took over our words, Like death, our collections of thoughts were timeless

I look upon the change I had with you

I remember the times we sleep a million times, but only once I remember

Every touch

Every Kiss

Every embrace

I want to forget, but you made it seem impossible

Often now, you remind me of a white glacier,

You are transparent

The reflections is soon to fade, I continue my sleep

Sleep

Sleep..

Sleep…

What is the definition of a "Best Friend"

I am still awake in the middle of the night, possibly because i do not know what to anymore and just writing this before i sleep, so i got me thinking after watching "gossip girls", what is the the definition of a best friend?Do they mean that when they fight, mock each other but ending up forgiving each other and finally moved on to the next drama?Do they still hang out with each other, spending quality time during lunch breaks and class sessions but never actually talk about their problems underneath all of that?Or is just a happy go lucky naive friendship?

I can't help to wonder can i actually call the friends i have now as best friends?Cause i really do not know the real definition of best friends, i mean sure they are all the qualities that i had stated but which one is true?I can call them close friends though, and i can say that proudly. Maybe in a friendship what i am looking for is not the amount of time you spend with each other in classes or lunch breaks, i do not think a friendship is basely judged to the amount you company a friend in school because you are just going the same way and that you spend time hanging out with them because everyone hates you. I do think a friendship is the quality of knowing each other, having them to be able to accept and see through your flaws, you imperfections and to be able to use that quality to make you know that it is a part of your self and not exploiting in for their benefit. They are those people who would know you are not okay without even you telling them that you're not "fine". But what the heck?Everyone has a different opinion right?This is just the way i perceived it, at first, on the outer surface you can see two people being best friends but in reality, they back stab each other, lie and deceive you even maybe its for your own goodness but still it hurts...Well thats i learned in Binus. I see a friendship of a quality that i still have to learn:)

Anyways i'm tired so i should sleep, night.

We are just minutes apart

I think when i find that perfect someone he or she can sums up our relationship saying something like,

I think i could have my kneels down if i hear someone said this to me

"I need you to not be perfect, because i'm not perfect. Im not rich, Im not brilliant, Im not movie star handsome. If you do not even have a single flaw, then the rest of my life i would have this uncertantity wondering why so you choose me. I choose you because of your flaws"

"It just seem so small sometimes, I spend my days thinking of trivial things, this is not the life i choose to have but sometimes i look up above and i realized with you i'm happy. I can honestly say i am happy with my life with you"

I hope the best for you

I have decide that to let go of everything, smile even though that you do not mean it. There is nothing you can do anymore to afford changing the situation but honestly i think you are a good person. I never want to take my judgement back, even if you hate me, i have liken you in ways that just knowing that this is what is best for your future, with hating me in it then i'm happy for you...Just as long you choose the right path:)

There is no right or wrong anymore, what happened cannot be undone, what's done is done. I just need to hear from someone now that "I have done what is right"

6.7 & 8.9

You know that phrase "There are just some things you better not know and just leave it behind"?

Well i guess i am in that stage where i know something that i should have not but ended up knowing it because well that i am disappointed with some people because they thought i do not have that same observant skills that they have but in fact i do so it was not that hard for me to notice the facts. In a certain of level of friendship, it was nice of them to consider my feelings and not letting know cause it might ended up hurting my feelings, but in another level of perspective i think it's a bunch of crap where they do not even thought i could handle it. In these situations, i will just be non-chalant and not care, with a little of integrity and pretend that i do not know until the rush is over. I am seriously tired of the dramas and just want that time where it was just friends. I really am tired of the deception and back-stabbing, i just really want it all to be over.

Cheese

"cheese is the subject of the life to be living in perspective of the universal opinion of that is the only true meaning of lifes true meaning.."

A good friend of mine told me that, what do you think?

Poem 3

I do not care


I always thought that love is a beautiful thing

I always thought that love is something one would sing

I always thought that love is the hope and trust bind together

One, two, three, i gave in to love, trust and hope

but before long i was slayed

Even now the wounds have healed, still there is a cut beneath my shield

The thing i most dreaded have come again

A Shadow dark within the path

Will it ever escape my truly past?

Could someone see me and see what i have done?

I have changed and still you cannot see

I thought you might be different

Where is that promise that you said you will keep?

Am i just a man that you see that you could bend?

Am i just a man that you see as a pawn to play?

Well we are in a different game

I hope you have the best in luck, but you promised

You promised

You Promised

You Promised...

As long that promised is kept, i do not care whether if you want to disintegrate

in any way, it is not my problem anymore

P.S

To any notes regarding "5.10" please do not ask me who is the reference for, because of the anonymity i want to keep at the moment, thank you

Sacrifices

If it means that we can be together again, should i even at the most possibly remote consider it again even after what i had been through with you?

What if i was wrong?

Stereotypes by Jaketownsend

We all are judged based upon the outer physical traits that we show upon society. We judged those who manipulates their friends as unfit in our society. We judged those who are what not the definition of what the society wants as an outcast. We judged those who kills without any sinister act of remorse as a person who committed the unspeakable act of sin. We judged those who dresses vulgar as someone who shows no respect in the moral of our society. But what if we took a moment to judged and reflect into the past, and then realize how wrong we have been?How wrong our mistakes have piled up?

I wanted to tell how wrong i have been, maybe it was too late to apologize for how indifferent i have been?maybe one day i hope things would have different for us, i hope there will be a day you could accept just the way i am. Till that day comes, i will wait,

Sunrise with you

Im yours by bad-wolf

I would want to see my sunrise with you, day after day, i don't care what the world says about our relationship

Talking with you late at night makes me reminiscence the past that i once forget about you, i am just happy that you still remember me that way though we are far apart:) It makes me think the past of what i had with you, how i would stay with you till dawn comes, i dont care about the fuckin world, as long it was with you

Quote 2

So today nothing really meaningful, just saw this quote by a friend, a good friend of mine posted and i really liked it so im gonna quote this for my quote of the day

"they proved me the meaning of "true friendship"

completing each other's weaknesses and making the best of each day"

Really meant a lot to me when i read it<3

Jealousy>Love

What if i feel like whenever you whisper your ear on someone else, i sense a sort of fear and jealousy. Does this mean my feelings are not completely over?I don't see you that way anymore but i still have this one last feeling that in a way i don't want to let it go, cause letting of that last ounce of feeling will give me the reality of "I'm over you". Cause I don't wanna go everyday not having a reason anymore to go to school, cause i don't wanna lose that ecstatic feeling, the rush that reminded me of another adrenaline shot through my brain and when will this all be over?

Let me know fast enough, cause sometime even though i said that im okay there is a reason why i need to keep telling that to myself, cause that is the push that i need everyday to lose that feeling to you. I want to and i need to cause this was yesterday and you are not my concern anymore

Quote 1

"I fucked it up, thought you liked it, It doesn't matter right?I know its wrong but I liked it so who the fuck cares?"

Poem 2

I wrote this for you and only you

If I say that I wrote this for you, would you believe me?

It may not be as well written as Shakespeare or as beautiful as Browning

I just want you to know that I cannot write this if you are not in love

But for you, I can write this oh so easily…

There is hundreds and thousands of love poems around the world,

It might come as meaningful for anyone

But I know when you read this you will know it is only written for you

Anyone can read this, but only you who know the meaning

If you understand the meaning, then two souls will unite together, forever

Let’s begin…

I’ve been secretly falling part, again, unseen

We walk along the narrow, wide halls, day and night

You spend your time just with me, I don’t think I can stop this overwhelming feeling

Your shoulder I lay on, reminds me of the comfort I long lost

I still remember every fifth day, oh that was filled with laughter and blissfulness

You formed me with your puzzle, I was not a piece but the piece

I never understood the need to love and care

I stood alone, until you found me, you stand by me oh what a feeling

What a feeling, the love that burns brighter than sunshine

I didn’t have the strength to fight

I gave in to you cause you seemed so right

I’m petrified, I’m hypnotized, I’m bewildered,

You carved my mind

Your smile is more than a smile

Your hug is not just a hug

Your kiss is more than a kiss

Maybe if you stayed longer, it would work out

Maybe just even for a while

I can’t get you out of my mind

I can’t get you out of my mind

I remember the days together

If I can I wanted to be the one who you see when you wake up

If I can I wanted you to be the first thing I see when I wake up

You were never the first thing I want

Your love was strange but perfect

If I can exist as a perfect person, then I don’t need it

Cause being with you seems perfect enough already

I love you

I love you

I love you

What’s the point of continuing saying I love you

When I love you and nobody else?

My Ugly Truth

Is it wrong to think of manipulation in order to hurt the one you love?

Honestly i cant give a fuck right now about it. The old me would not at the instance of second think about doing any sort of negativity to the one you loved. But really, that was the naive part of me. I used to think that you would accept me the way i am, turns out it was a big fat lie. The truth is ugly, quoted from the movie of "the ugly truth". I guess i learn from the fact that you know, you stole my best friend or what i thought was my best friend but turns out not. You were just perfect for me but it turns out you aren't that perfect, aren't you?

I mean honestly, ever since my last confession, you never even asked the last slightest question like "How have you been?" or like "How are you on this whole process" seriously when i think of it...It just has made me realize how insignificant you are and may be i just wasted my time on you. Reflecting is such a good thing you know, you get the time to actually think about perspective in may forms, then you get to actually see the angle of a person you thought you care in a different way but the actual side. I just never thought it would take down a toll like this..I really did you know see the best in you, you were the gratification of what a good person are, really i say that from my heart. You were the definition of friend, and person...I do not need any need to justify it because it is a fact not an opinion. If i have to write an essay about you, saying who you are, it is as simple as writing my own auto-biography. I knew your life like it was the back of my hands, but that was yesterday. Today i have to understand the fact that i cannot be that person anymore, which scares me really, not knowing who will you become but i know it is the right thing to do.

It is right?Is it really the right thing to do?

Give me wings for resolution

Give me Wings by Bad-Wolf

Maybe the reason why we posted a reference in poems as "you" instead a straight forward name of the object of our fascination is because in a way we are afraid, knowing how if at some time he will actually see the part of me that lingers and became another part of us that we would never see you know?Oddly in my opinion it kind of gives an irony because why would you want to write a poem for someone but hides who they are..Still i enjoyed doing that

I really dont get feelings, really, i mean aren't they just stimuli from our brains, extracted to be categorized to feelings that can be based from pheromones or adrenaline. So, what are feelings really?I thought i really understood feelings after i havent opened to anyone for a long time, turns out it sttabbed my heart, literally..Sure i did get over and now we are friends, kinda i guess..but it really did change the way i perceived the way "love turns out quite well".Clearly i was naive an complete idiot, i should trust more basically on just you know friendship with benefits. Its so much easier perhaps..Basically what i want now is just someone who is able to fill me with satisfaction, no strings attached, period.

I mean the other day i saw you, it was fine, i got over you..at least that was what my heart responded. I am back to my old self, the non-chalant kinda guy who does not really care about someone unless i have gain some sort of fascination over..like you in the past:)..It was fun, but im glad its over and i have moved on. I really did know the consequences, based on experience it still hurts, fuck! ill deal with my emotions later, i just just maybe this is a naive hope but still in a way retain our relationship to an extent i am able to last a whole year left with you:)

Poem 1

I Hope for the best, you and I, you and I

I Hope for the best, you and I, you and I

You were the tree and I was the apple

You were the words and I was the sentence

I once thought how I would see you every morning, you and I

The ashen blinding corridor shines our past yet we see each other in blindness

The bright light, the white tears, suddenly all means a vessel of emptiness

You gave me the fear to walk the same door

Do you hate me?

The sweet, sad melancholic music plays its song

I cried, almost

A horrid image slowly approached me and asks

“Do you want it all to be over? ” I replied

“Not just yet”

I see you not the same way as you see me

That silence and disgust

I have no faith in words

Your action gives out thousands of words

The intense look…

The tense posture…

The body movements…

You make me feel that I fall deep inside a hole

Filled with our kind

Make it go away? Go away!

Oh so help me I wanted to scream my heart out

Just that no words can come out of it

You were the man I hope to change me

The words you told simply tear houses I built

In a period of short time

It was an adventure

I hope for the best, you and I you and I

Cause you were that curious incident in my life

You are the sin and I am the sinner